I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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