Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize