dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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