why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
