You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
