A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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