i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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