i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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