Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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