man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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