no, he came in my armpit
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
