I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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