you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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