I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
