did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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