he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
