margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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