You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
