and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
