I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
