...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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