I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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