a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we're making bets on your personal life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
