I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
