this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
