I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
