Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
