I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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