You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
