My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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