Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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