I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
