just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
