Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
