i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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