i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
