I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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