put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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