ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
