I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
