idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
