We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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