Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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