Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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