Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
