I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
