One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize