Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
