I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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