I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
