so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
