We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
