when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
