omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
