I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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