I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
