I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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