He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
