Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
