margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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