Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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