Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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