just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
