my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
