im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
