I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
