YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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