I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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