I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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