Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
