I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize