I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
