I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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