6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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