We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
