At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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