I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
