So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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